Asparagus, you baleful stalk
The only veggie at which I balk
A plant of greenish, pallid pallor
To some an edible phallic power
Makes me shake, quake, and quiver
Turns my stomach and assaults my liver
What fiendish fellow did discover
What careless cook did uncover
This loathsome ruin of vegetation
This reject of the grand creation
Its smell alone makes me nauseous
And gods in heaven must be cautious
In their holy, celestial kitchen

I alone can hear them bitchin’
For even they must be disgusted
And think their mothers maladjusted
To serve them such a nasty beast
Saying it’s a godly feast
This plant of evil, dark design
A crucifix from an ancient time
‘twas sent by Satan I can tell
to torture souls in a living hell
I hate you! I hate you! What more can I say
so for now I’ll bid you a fond farewell

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